sunday log four.

Thought you got rid of me, did you?

Hi, hello there, how are you? 

I am sitting downstairs in my living room. I need to clean up from dinner. I need to drink some water. I want to drink some coffee. I am texting with a friend. I am tired. I am looking forward to having a productive week. I need to do the dishes. I need to set the coffee pot for the morning. I need to plan some fun activities for this week. I need to pack. I need to... I need to... I need to...

There seems to be a lot volleying around in my mind this evening. 

There are Christmas decorations up in my house already. I am usually a strictly after Thanksgiving kind of decorator, but since we were not home for a lot of the Christmas season last year, we decided it was ok to break it out early this year.

I came here thinking that I had a lot to write about, and maybe I do, but it is all coming out in a weird, jumbled mess. So I think I will spare everyone and bid you all adieu. 

Good night. 

in the spirit of brevity.

My kids are watching Masha and the Bear and enjoying a fruit plate while soup simmers on our stovetop, so it felt like the right time for another (what feels like) yearly update here. Here is where I'm going to talk about missing the blogging glory days of 2011-2014...  I really do miss it. There were so many people that I was able to connect with, build a sense of community with, and share ideas with. And of course, the writing itself was always cathartic, renewing. In the last few years, my writing practice has waxed and waned, existing mostly in the ink and paper universe. But, there is something in writing here, in sharing the kind of words that only seem to come when I am typing into this little box on the internet. Every time I write here, I feel a kind of resolve, a kind of contract with myself... "I will write on my blog more. I will share. I will just open the browser and type something as often as I can." A quick check of the dates will expose my lack of dedication to this idea. But who knows... maybe this time will be different?

A lot has been going on since I last wrote here. I opened a business, which is so fun. I have forever searched for a creative outlet like this, and it feels so good to be here. Soon, I will have a website, and eventually, an Etsy store. I also have plans to soon return to work as an occupational therapist. During the early stages of the pandemic, the hospital I was doing PRN for had a drop in census to prepare for the surge (as many hospitals did), and I was no longer needed in the capacity I used to be. Additionally, Justin needed more flexibility in his schedule in case he had to work more hours to cover an increased patient load. Now that the bulk of that is - blessedly, thankfully - behind us, I am really excited to return to work. I am still in the very early beginning stages of that process, but I am happy that it is in motion. 

Other than that, we have just been growing and changing as a family, in all of the expected ways. Activities, learning, outings, and travel have slowly started happening more frequently as the world opens up a bit, and we have more such things on the horizon. 

I also started reading the Outlander series, and though I am reading at a snail's pace, I am loving it so very much. A trip to Scotland is hopefully in my very distant future. I am currently about 2/3 of the way through the second novel, Dragonfly in Amber. I watched the show with Justin last year, and was deeply moved. It's so great to get to experience it all over again through the written word. 

As usual, there is a lot more I could say, but in the spirit of brevity, I will end this here. I sincerely hope to return sooner than months from now, but I suppose only time will tell..

on making time to write.

I am currently drinking coffee and (accidentally) eating a couple pieces of the candy I bought yesterday for the Trick-or-Treaters tomorrow. Muffled light seeps into the kitchen from the laundry room - every other light is off downstairs. And even though I feel like I would rather be in bed snoozing during this (usually small) window of time when both of my children are asleep for nap time, I am writing.

It's so easy to scroll Instagram in these moments, isn't it? To escape out of our own lives for a bit, to see what others are up to, to see what leggings and boots and coats our favorite "influencers" are pushing. To watch story after story after story.

I get it, I really do. But I have to make a change.

I used to have a lot of time to devote to reading and writing. It was one of the main things I did each day, and looking back on it now, I know that is because reading and writing bring me a joy that is life-enhancing. Give me a well-worn library book, give me the latest issue (or perhaps an unread issue from months back, as is the case lately), give me a notebook open to a fresh page alongside a pen, give me an open laptop. These are my people.

I noticed a large shift when I went to grad school. And then another large shift when my first child was born. And then another shift when my second child was born. The common denominator in all of these scenarios? Less time.

A long time ago, one of my favorite YouTubers said that once she had her daughter, it taught her invaluable time management skills. Being pre-child at that time myself, I was like, "Yeah, ok, whatever. Having a kid really can't be that time consuming, you're just doing your normal life with someone in tow."

Let me just go ahead and say that is inaccurate, and let me just go ahead and insert my foot into my mouth.

Life is changed by having children. Priorities shift wildly. Hobbies and interests that are not iron clad are thrown to the wind. There is the birth of the child, yes, but there is also the birth of you after that child. A rebirth. You become new, and your new self has different responsibilities, and even though it sounds trite, it is enormous in a way that is unimaginable before you find yourself in these exhausting-challenging-rewarding-glorious trenches.

My children have absolutely taught me an encyclopedia-set-sized amount on time management. I have succeeded some days, I have failed miserably other days. Sometimes I don't brush my teeth until after lunch. Sometimes (like today) I wear pajamas all day, even though there is someone coming over to my house. Sometimes tears are shed (by both parties) when one of my children refuses to nap. But sometimes, I throw things into a crock pot and let dinner simmer all day long, filling the house with delicious, comforting aromas. Sometimes I fold all of the laundry and even put it away. Sometimes - sometimes, but not often enough - I sit down to read and write.

I am so happy that is how I chose to spend this gloomy, drizzly nap time today. Sipping coffee, tapping the laptop keyboard, letting the thoughts flow. Thank you.

travel diary: SHV to ATL.

I've always been an emotional person. As a nine year old, I recall watching The Secret Garden on repeat, crying at the end every time. I remember feeling overcome with emotion as I reflected on how far all of the characters had come, how much they all had grown. My parents always asked me, "Why do you watch that movie, if you know it makes you cry?" 

Excellent question. But I didn't know the answer then, and I still don't really know the answer now. 

Now, I am an overly-emotional pregnant person. Things like seeing my favorite Christmas decoration on display the day after Thanksgiving in my parents' home made me cry. So did multiple commercials that we viewed in between football games over the last few days. 

It's always been a part of who I am, and I am guessing that it always will be. The one thing that makes it hard? I get embarrassed. Our society isn't one that really accepts emotional outbursts of any kind, especially in public. So, what am I supposed to do? 

I've tried lots of different techniques to stop the water works, whether it be on the comfort of my own couch or standing in line at Chipotle. Looking up, biting my tongue, thinking of something funny. I'll be honest and say any combination of these techniques works roughly 25% of the time. Every other time, I'm left with watering eyes and a red nose, which gives me away immediately. 

Maybe, as humans, we're designed for public displays of emotion. Maybe it makes us all appear a little more relatable to our peers. Maybe it reminds us all that we're in this together, that things don't always have to be easy, that we don't always have to be strong and appear braver than we are. Maybe I'll stop trying to hide my tears and just let them flow. Maybe we all should. 

So, if you see a pregnant lady crying outwardly in public, just hand over a tissue and give reassuring nod. True, maybe something big is going on in their life, but maybe they just saw a puppy in a sweater and their hormonally-overloaded heart just can't take it. 

Or, you know, maybe they're just human. 

on consistency & self discipline.

hastily tapped out in my phone notes while en route from Denver to Raleigh last week - 

I'll never understand why I stop doing things that I like.

Working out. Eating healthfully. Writing on this blog. 

Human nature seems to dictate this weird need to depart from routines and activities and tasks, even if those things are beloved to us. Do we need a break from the monotony? Do we secretly need to rebel? Are we all just that wishy washy? 

Maybe it's just me. But really, drawing from conversations with friends, I'm quite sure that it is not just me. Many of us seem to have to struggle inwardly against ourselves to make sure we are doing - consistently - the things that we love. 

I know people who don't seem to struggle in this way. And a character trait that I observe in them, alongside this faithful, relentless, and unfailing consistency? Self discipline. 

A long time ago, in what was probably 2006 or 2007, there was this feature you were able to install on Facebook that allowed individuals to write anonymous messages to you, that only you could view. I'll never forget one of the messages I got one night (in fact, it's the only message from that feature I even remember at all). It read, 

"I wish you weren't such a flake." 

Even now, I am not sure who of my friends wrote that message to me, though I have an idea or two that would certainly make sense*. At that time in my life, I will admit that I was flaky. I was flighty and anxious and always trying to fit in and please people and be viewed as fun. And now, I can recognize that life - and living a happy one at that - is not about pleasing everyone with what a lively and vivacious person you are, with how many stories you have to tell, with how new and exciting your life is - and remains - day after day. Your real friends and family will love you, even when you're dull, even when you don't know what to say, even when you're in a dark place. 

I wish I would have known that back then, so that I could have been the kind of friend to whomever wrote that message, that I try to emulate now. I wish I would have known how to look deep inside myself and recognize all that I truly love and hold dear. And I wish I would have had the courage then, to be true to myself. I wish I would have had more self discipline, to stick beside plans, to stick beside my friends, to stick beside myself. 

And now, I hope and pray for the kind of self discipline that yields consistency. Consistency with exercise, healthful eating, sharing by way of this blog, connecting with dear friends. 

I hope and pray for that magical, unyielding consistency. 

*If you wrote that message to me, and you are reading this, please know that I am truly sorry that I was not there for you. I sincerely wish I would have been. 

small kindnesses.

Last night, Luke and I met Justin for dinner at a little Italian restaurant around the corner from our house. We had only been there once before, but I had really loved it and had anticipated going back. 

When we walked in, I was struck again with the little joys of this place: green and white penny tile flooring, the glow of tea lights, and these white and pink roses, dotted with cranberries. 

As we sat down and got settled, I took my phone out and snapped a quick photo, as you see above. As I was doing so, the waitress swept over and greeted us, began asking what we would like to drink. Slightly embarrassed at being caught doing something so vaguely rude and touristy as photographing flowers in a restaurant, I quickly slipped my phone away and stammered an awkward hello (it's true - and I have the "live photo" evidence to prove it). 

Rather than be annoyed at yet another person tinkering with their phone at the dinner table, the waitress smiled and asked, "Are you taking photos of my flowers?" Relieved that I wasn't being quietly chided for this minor faux pas, I admitted that yes, I was, and that they were beautiful, launching us into a polite, light-hearted discussion about flowers. Frivolous? Yes. Refreshing? Also yes.

The night was punctuated by a lady who had been dining with her husband, approaching our table to tell us the following: "What a good baby. He was a delight to watch at dinner. Was that him singing?" 

Anyone who has dined out with a toddler knows that things aren't always predictable. Sometimes there's shrieking. Sometimes there's crying. Sometimes there are loud outbursts of talking. Sometimes there is the throwing of any number of table-top objects. Luke is, usually, relatively good at the dinner table, since he loves to eat and socialize. He hadn't been perfect at this dinner (really, what child ever is?), but I had counted it as a success, because he had devoured the manicotti, drunk plenty of water, and had, in fact, been singing (at a polite volume). 

But for a stranger to approach your dinner table, simply to sing your child's well-mannered praises? Well, that is something very special indeed. A small act of kindness, which definitely does not go unnoticed. 

And as the lady walked away, I smiled and said to Justin, "Really, there is no higher praise than that." I am thankful for the kind of dinner we had last night, because to me, it's the small kindnesses that sometimes make the biggest difference.  

the sunday currently, volume 123.

reading nothing at the moment. A little under a year ago, I started reading Big Little Lies, following watching - and loving - the show. I need to pick my iPad back up and re-start, and finish this book.
writing daily pages in my pocket traveler's notebook from Chic Sparrow. I have the pocket Maverick, and I love it. Other things I write in my TN? Blog post drafts! I've also been writing in my new bullet journal - my second one ever. I finished my first one a couple of months ago, and dropped the practice for a little while. I'm so glad I picked it back up - I really believe it's the best planner/journaling/memory keeping system for me. My first bullet journal was a large, black, squared Moleskine. My second one is a blue, dotted Artists' Loft notebook from Michael's. I'm hoping to try the Leuchtturm 1917 next.
listening to a playlist that I made in anticipation of my 30th birthday. The songs remind me of the wait for Luke to arrive, wondering if we were going to share a birthday. Little did I know, I'd have to wait until September to meet the little guy.
thinking that Luke and I are ready for Justin to get home. He has been in Austin since Thursday, so Luke and I have been holding down the fort since then. We've enjoyed our Mama-Luke time, but we're definitely ready to be a household of three again.
smelling like Sensual Amber from Bath and Body Works, a year-round favorite, despite its silly name.
wishing for an end to the violence that's been going on in our country. That's all I'm going to say on the matter.
hoping for a productive week. Luke and I need to get some stuff done around the house, run some errands, and I am beginning a 10-day health and fitness challenge tomorrow. Time to get in shape!
wearing one of my favorite necklaces lately. It's a gold bar from Stella & Dot, and it has the coordinates of the hospital where Luke was born etched into it. It was a gift from Justin when Luke was born.
loving being back in the blogosphere. There's nothing quite like it. I've missed it. And I'm loving starting again with The Sunday Currently!
wanting to eat sushi every single day. Hibachi is a close second.
needing to clean out my email accounts.
feeling ready to get in shape. And thankful. And hopeful.

See all volumes of The Sunday Currently here.

What little pieces are making up the normal in your life today? Link up & share below.

blogging in twenty-eighteen.

Back in December, this kind girl right here commented on one of my Instagram posts (see above). 

She asked if I planned to start writing again in 2018, and to be completely honest, I hadn't even given it much of a thought until her question. And believe me - I'm glad, so glad, that she asked. 

Sometimes, I find, even when I love to do something, miss doing something - it takes an extra external push to have the courage to jump in with both feet. It is often at the prompting of friends, the asking of family, that I press on, keep at it, remember to make time for writing. And when other external forces inadvertently work to quell that desire to write, it becomes more difficult to put energy into it.

First, OT school happened, which took almost all of my mental energy. Then, I became a mom - one of the biggest changes and challenges and joys in my life - and that took all of my mental, physical, and emotional energy. Then, I graduated OT school, and a few months later, started working, and that took up quite a bit of all of those energies also.

It's no wonder that I was absent from one of my most loved hobbies - even though I continually missed it. In addition to the things I mentioned above, I was also happily trucking along with everyday life, keeping up with family, friends, figuring out how to manage my household (still working on that one)... etc. I've been settling into myself, and it has taken some time.

All of this to say... I hope to write more here this year. I've been thinking up some series to start doing, possibly falling back on some older series, and really, just planning on opening up my browser and typing more often, whatever it may be about.

Here's to the joy of blogging, of sharing. Thank you, Emily. 

this november.

the days are getting shorter, the nights longer. there is a crisp freshness carried in the air, the leaves blowing behind it. trees stand guard in red, yellow, orange. it's been years since november has felt this distinctly fall. and i love it. 

the sunday currently, volume 122: wednesday edition.

Good morning from the C residence, and happy Wednesday! Obviously, I have missed posting editions of The Sunday Currently for the past couple of weeks, so I thought I would go ahead and post one on Wednesday, rather than wait until Sunday again. Make sense? Good. 

reading Big Little Lies, by Liane Moriarty. Actually, I haven't been reading it, because my iPad is not upstairs by my bed. I need to find where it is and put it back, because I miss reading. I really, really miss reading Shannon Miller's book, so much so, that I may re-read it after I finish the current book. 

writing in my large, black, squared Moleskine, and loving every minute of it. Also writing in? My Filofax. I realized how much I missed that beloved planner, so I ordered some inserts, and it is back in commission. 

listening to Luke's singing cow. It has long been a tradition that he visits with his singing cow during morning swings. Also listening to Glide videos. 

thinking that I can't wait for OPI's Cajun Shrimp to arrive in the mail tomorrow. I've never owned that color, and I am so excited that I finally will, as I have always wanted it, since around 2010. 

smelling freshly brewed coffee. I'm drinking it right now, too. 

wishing that I was a more innately productive person. And that I was good at prioritizing. And that I was a good cook. 

hoping for a productive day. 

wearing pajama pants and a baggy black shirt. Soon, I'll be putting on workout clothes so that Luke and I can go for a walk. 

loving getting to spend so much time with my son. It is hard to be productive with a baby, yes, but I cherish these days spent getting to know him and watching him learn. 

wanting coffee, coffee, and more coffee today. Oh, the constant I'm-tired parent struggle. It's real. 

needing to drink lots of water, in edition to that coffee. My newly-instituted habit tracker in the above-mentioned Moleskine has revealed that I absolutely suck at drinking water. As if I didn't already know that. I think that I will drink water instead of absolutely anything else (except for coffee) over the next few days. That should help, right? Or just dehydrate me. Lauren, you can do this. Just drink water. Just do it. It's not difficult. 

feeling sore. I have worked out every day of May so far. But also inspired. And ready to make this a good day. 

siddathornton through the years:

2012, 2012 | 2013

See all volumes of The Sunday Currently here.

What little pieces are making up the normal in your life today? Link up & share below! 

the sunday currently, volume 121.

rainy day last week 

Good morning & happy Sunday, everyone! Welcome to the reinstatement of The Sunday Currently! I've recently had a bit of a revelation where blogging is concerned, & I am so happy to be back here with you, sharing the normal details of my Sundays. Back in grad school, & right after having my son, I felt like I was too busy to pen one of these posts each week. That makes me very sad, because I feel as if these posts are a kind of living time capsule. When I go back & read past TSC posts, I respond in one of two ways, usually: 

1. Ohhhh, I remember that.

2. Cool! I don't remember doing that. 

While I greatly enjoy the experience of the former, it is the latter that inspires me to write these posts and keep up with this practice. The capturing of small memories that may have been lost, the window into a moment in time... that is the impetus for these posts & the reason I have decided to bring them back. I can make time for this, and I will. 

Currently...

reading It's Not About Perfect, by Shannon Miller. So far this year, I have read Talking As Fast As I Can, by Lauren Graham; Scrappy Little Nobody, by Anna Kendrick; Letters to a Young Gymnast, by Nadia Comaneci; Off Balance, by Dominique Moceanu; and Little Girls in Pretty Boxes, by Joan Ryan. I am planning to read Big Little Lies, by Liane Moriarty, after I finish Shannon Miller's book, since I enjoyed the television show so much (and I am now making Justin watch it with me!).

writing lots of to-do lists on the magnetic notepad I bought a couple days ago at Marshall's. I have lots of stray, random items that need to be accomplished, & it is already helping to corral all of them so that I can remain focused and actually productive. 

listening to "Selling The Drama," by Live, was a good idea this morning. I listened to the Throwing Copper album a lot at the end of junior year of high school, so, to me, this song & many others sound like new beginnings. 

thinking that this stage of motherhood is pretty sweet. I have a post coming soon about Luke's birth story, & after that, I'll be sharing a post called life after birth. I have decided I want to share my story, even though I hesitated for a long while. More on that coming soon. 

smelling a freshly-bathed baby is the best thing! Luke takes a bath every other night, & it is one of my favorite things!

wishing I had kept up with the practice of writing TSC posts through the last couple of years, as I mentioned in the introduction of this post. The only thing there is to do, is to keep up the practice now, so that's what I'm going to do. 

hoping for a great week ahead. Justin is off, so I am looking forward to us spending time as a family of three! We are hoping to put some stuff up in the play room so that Luke can practice pulling up, which he is already starting to do!

wearing the Patagonia fleece that my parents got me for Christmas. Like, all the time. I love it. It's one of my greatest comforts at the moment. 

loving the way that Luke's personality is developing. He is such a sweet baby, and curious, and stubborn, and talkative! 

wanting more coffee. And I've already had two cups. It is Starbucks Sunday, after all, so I will probably indulge once we get out after Luke's second nap. 

needing to drink a ton of water this week. Luckily, I joined a 21 day fitness challenge, and drinking at least 64 ounces of water per day is one of this week's assignments. I'm very much looking forward to not only this individual part of the challenge, but getting back into a healthy lifestyle over all. 

feeling content & inspired. And happy to have written this TSC post today!

siddathornton through the years:

2014

See all volumes of The Sunday Currently here.

What little pieces are making up the normal in your life today? Link up & share below! 

on loyalty.

It's a funny thing, isn't it, to think of being loyal to a blog. To a place on the internet. 

This blog - siddathornton - & I have been through a lot together. 120 volumes of The Sunday Currently. Many hastily tapped out confessions. Many caffeine-enhanced ramblings. Many days spent tucked into the very back corner of the new Starbucks on Oleander Drive in Wilmington, shivering in the cold, coffee-scented air while I switched between writing in my many journals & planners, applying for OT school, and blogging, always blogging. Mornings at Port City Java, when things felt so new. Afternoons at Port City Java, when I ate chocolate chip muffins, burrowed into a fuzzy, cream colored scarf and tried to write a business plan. Travels to & from Shreveport. A cataloguing of the weddings of my friends, and then, our wedding. 

These things are all the moving parts of the things that I hold most dear: my relationships. 

So, I guess it's not really a funny thing at all, loyalty. It's familiarity, it's sinking deep into a warm blanket of memories, of identity, of knowing one's self. I can't think of anything more comforting. So, here we are, ready to make even more memories, siddathornton & I... ready to keep holding on to the old ones, too. 

-- 

siddathornton through the years: 

2012 | 2014