a milestone.

listening to: beach house, specifically, the devotion album from 2008, which is probably my favorite. beach house has got to top the list of my favorite things to listen to on an overcast, rainy spring/summer day. you should try it sometime.

yesterday was my very last day of class. my last time to walk the halls of the allied health building as a classroom-only student. my last time to congregate with my classmates in that setting. true, in december, we will all be together again for graduation, but, you know, yesterday was kind of a turning point, a big deal, a milestone. 

and then, there's the fact that justin and i have a son coming into this world at the end of august. 

there is so much to celebrate right here in this moment. so that is what i am going to do.

photo: hydrangeas | lowe's home improvement | greenville, nc | may 2016

which matter most.

the things which matter most 

should never be at the mercy

of the things which matter least 

- johann wolfgang von goethe

I stumbled across this quote this morning, at a time when I really needed it. I am very easily wrapped up in stress and worry, but sometimes it's ok to let it be true that the little things don't matter. Not in the sense that I don't believe in joy in the little things in life, but rather that sometimes in the grand scheme of a big change, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. That's what I'm counting on.

so that's what i'll do.

into New Bern

"No One's Gonna Love You" by Band of Horses is playing and we are sitting in Coffee Shack reading and writing and emailing. 

I keep having that out-of-body feeling, even when I'm talking to R or D, like I'm floating above myself, watching us interacting. Sometimes this feeling happens when I start to realize how fleeting these moments really are. It's as if it's my body's way of telling me, this won't last forever, so here's what it will feel like when it's a memory.

I've always known that this wouldn't last forever. We're given two years of classes together, and then we have six months of being in the field, preparing for when we are actually part of our profession. And during those six months, we might be in the same place, but we might not. 

It's hard to imagine what life will be like after we graduate. I've grown so comfortable in my rhythm here, in the patterns of studying and talking-instead-of-studying and running races and doing projects and sitting together in class. It's become home to me, and I know it will be hard when everything shifts, like I know that it will.

All I can do is soak in the moments of the next eight months. All I can do is attend as many gatherings as I can. Participate in as many service opportunities as possible. Meet up for coffee as much as my schedule allows. 

So that's what I'll do.

--

siddathornton through the years:

2012 

my new filofax!

In this week's edition of The Sunday Currently, I announced that I was the proud owner of a brand-spankin-new Filox A5 Finsbury in Raspberry. And well, that's what we are here to talk about today, ladies & gents. Back when I was applying to Occupational Therapy schools in December, Justin told me that if I got in, he would gift me with something that had been topping my wish list: a Filofax. I knew that one of our local shops here in Wilmington carried the brand, & I wanted to buy from them if at all possible, so one day I just struck up a conversation with the lady at the register. As it turns out, they ordered my Filofax for me, & called me when it arrived. And, of course, I ran up to the shop like a crazy person. It was worth it. 

Today I'm sharing with you an unboxing & first look at my Finsbury. I have grand plans for this little thing, which I will share bits & pieces of as I describe it in its original state. As progress is made with organizing it & figuring out my system, I will share detailed updates.

I purchased my Filofax from a shop in downtown Wilmington called Occasions...Just Write. It is located in The Cotton Exchange, & it holds many treasures that I like to pore over every time I'm in the area. They carry paperblanks, Moleskine, Lilly Pulitzer, & a whole lot more [Filofax being another brand of theirs, obviously]. My Filofax was given to me in its original box, in a pretty mint green bag from the shop. 

The Filofax was encased in a protective plastic covering that spanned both the outside & inside of both the front & the back. A cardboard piece was placed on the snap closure to keep its structure during shipping. The plastic kept the gorgeous leather in tip-top shape as it made its way to Wilmington. In addition, a white sheet was placed in the inside front & back to protect the inner covers during transit.

The front inside cover features a zippered pocket, & six slip pockets, one of them being of the mesh variety, where I plan to store my school I.D. "Filofax A5 Finsbury Real Leather" is stamped into the inside cover as well, & there is an additional slip pocket where a small notebook could be stored.

I opened the box originally in the store, & we cut the seal that was holding all of the pages together during shipping, because I wanted to confirm that it came with the standard "week on two pages" diary, which it did. 

The first set of inside pages included tabs for organization; a few sheets of Filofax's standard to-do list; lined, graphed, & blank paper; a few contacts sheets; & green, blue, & pink lined paper. I plan to keep all of the note paper in my Filofax, but will more than likely remove all of the other items in this section. I may use the standard organizational tabs for a while, but I know there are a lot of really beautiful inserts to be purchased for this function.

The next set of pages comprised the "week on two pages" diary, which, as I said, comes standard in all Filofaxes. This section was separated from the rest, by a clear plastic ruler, which snaps in & out of the rings. At this time, I do not plan to use the "week on two pages" diary, because I don't think it is consistent with my scheduling needs at the moment. I plan to purchase the "month on two pages" & "day per page" diaries in the future, which I think will be much more appropriate for my planning style. 

At the back of the Filofax, there was a clear plastic cover sheet, which I plan to keep in place as a protective covering, as well as a matte plastic slip-cover, which I plan to move to the front of the planner. There is also a slip pocket on the inside of the back, which could easily house a notepad.

I hope you enjoyed getting a little first-look at my new Filofax. If you couldn't tell, I am extremely excited to get it set up & to begin using it in January 2015. In the interim, I will continue using my 2014 Organization Suite, which I will be sharing about in detail over the next few weeks. Next Tuesday, look for an introductory post, in which I will give a general overview of all the 2014 OS components. 

Do you have a Filofax? What kind? If not, what do you use to organize your days? Please share!

All items in this post were purchased by me. This is not a sponsored post. All opinions & professions of love are genuinely my own.

life update: ot school & moving to greenville.

Well, here we are, at 3:40 p.m. on a Monday, & I am finally sitting down to write about a couple of things that I've been wanting to & meaning to write about since MARCH here in this space. Let's skip the small talk & get to it.

I AM GOING TO OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY SCHOOL THIS FALL.

And in conjunction with the statement above, comes another.

JUSTIN & I ARE MOVING TO GREENVILLE, NORTH CAROLINA, ON JULY 28.

Obviously, because that is where I will be attending school.

I haven't been especially forthcoming here on my blog concerning either of these bits of news, mainly because Justin has been working here in the Wilmington area, & for professional reasons, I needed to keep our plans private until arrangements could be made & notices could be given. However, with this being Justin's last week of work at his current job, I thought this was the perfect time to become fully transparent about our future plans!

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

Back around the end of 2012 & the beginning of 2013, I was really struggling in which direction to take my professional life. I had been job searching in Wilmington for a few months, & the search was turning up dry, to put it nicely. I was in crisis mode. I even considered opening my own business. I considered law school. I wrote this post. Lots of tears were shed, & many dreams felt unattainable. 

Justin was at my side for all of this struggle. He got behind my ideas, even when they changed daily, & he supported me no matter what. Having a stronghold in those rough seas was a God-send. I'll never be able to thank him adequately for putting up with my hemming & hawing & wondering aloud & crying. 

And it was him who just said it one day. We were sitting in one of the hospital corridors during one of his lunch breaks. We were talking about what I should do with my life. You know, just regular small talk. 

"Why don't you just go back to school?" he asked. "Why don't you just do it?"

This wasn't the first time those words had been uttered by him. Nor was it the first time I had thought of it. Nor would this have been the first time I went back to school. I had done the same thing, in 2010, my sights set on Physician Assistant school. Life got in the way that time, I thought to myself. But maybe, this time, things would be different.

Things certainly felt different this time around, when I heard those words. It felt like this was it. 

And it was.

In May, I started taking prerequisites so that I could apply to Occupational Therapy schools around North Carolina. And in June, I wrote this post. And through all the time that I was enrolled at Cape Fear Community College, I shared bits & pieces of my school journey here, especially about my conquering of the beast that was Statistics. From June to December, I talked about tests, midterms, finals, papers, & classes. I even think I mentioned things about applying to schools. But I never said it aloud: I never said, "I am doing everything I can to get into Occupational Therapy school."

But that's what I was doing. Rising early to study for anatomy tests. Staying late to work on Statistics homework in the Math Lab. Spending my free time shadowing at various OT practices around town. 

In December, I submitted applications to three schools. Two in North Carolina, & one in South Carolina. And in the end, by March of this year, I was accepted to two out of those three, one school in North Carolina & one school in South Carolina, which is a fact that brings me extreme pride & joy. I am proud of myself, & I am so very happy that all the hours & hard work that I put in, paid off. Because there were times when I wondered to myself, & other times when I wondered aloud to Justin, "Will all of this be worth it?" [Keep in mind these thoughts usually occurred as I sat in front of Statistics homework with tears streaming down my face. Ha. I can laugh about it now.]

As you may have gathered, I chose the school in North Carolina. And on the twenty-eighth day of this seventh month of two thousand fourteen, we are packing our bags & hitting the road to Greenville, which is a town about two & a half hours northeast of here. We are leaving Wilmington, forever. And as I've mentioned in my last few posts, I am getting pretty wrapped up in nostalgia & sentimentality over the whole thing. I am going to miss this place. We are going to miss this place.

In fact, we may even look into purchasing a place here one day, so we will always have a place to stay, so we will come visit often. We are cherishing our last few weeks in this city. Because although they've been a bit of a struggle at times, they were our struggle. And we have gotten through this together. 

And now, it's time for us to tackle a new adventure together. Justin will be starting a new job in August, & I will be starting Graduate School. And we will work & study & live life to our fullest together in this new journey. And we are excited.

But for now, in the stillness that is the rest of our time here in Wilmington, we are going to soak in every last little joy from this place that we can. We will eat at our favorite restaurants, go to our favorite shops, I will run at my park as much as humanly possible. And when we drive away on July 28, we will do so knowing that a road will always connect us back to this place in our hearts. All we have to do is get in the car, watch the beautiful Carolina country scenery for a couple of hours & some change, & then we'll be back here, ready for more Dixie Grill, or Sawmill, or Hugh MacRae Park.

Here's to the future.

songs from wilmington: let's be happy.

Hello everyone. Thanks for your patience as I re-figure out my blogging rhythm. It seems to be a constant battle for me, doesn't it? I've been thinking very hard about blogging lately, & I have begun formulating some new goals, as well as a new mindset & approach toward this hobby of mine. I've also been working on a new design, which I'm excited about, & which I think will help on the motivation-to-post front. 

You may also have read via social media about my career news: I am going to OT school! I plan to share more about this, as well as our upcoming move, here on the blog soon. As expected, I am so excited! Not being able to share this news - I think - contributed in a large part toward the veritable silence in this space. Now that everything can be out in the open, I feel like I'll be posting a lot more frequently, which I feel will make me a whole lot happier.

As for today, I'm back with another playlist post! I love seeing other people's playlists - hopefully you do, too! These are a few of the songs I've really been loving this Spring. Enjoy.

WORK IT OUT | knox hamilton

ELEVATE | st. lucia

BRIDGES | broods

FROM NOWHERE | dan croll

I FEEL IT ALL | feist

FLOAT ON | modest mouse

HAPPY | pharrell williams

SLEEPYHEAD | passion pit

TONGUE TIED | grouplove

PARIS | magic man

MAGIC | coldplay

YOU GOT IT | roy orbison

BE STILL MY HEART | the postal service

NOTHING BETTER | the postal service

PORK AND BEANS | weezer

1234 | feist

WAYS TO GO | grouplove

FLAMES | cider sky

TWELVE THIRTY | the mamas & the papas

ALL OF THE PEOPLE | panama wedding

IT'S ALRIGHT | matt and kim

STEP | vampire weekend

SHEILA PUT THE KNIFE DOWN | junior prom

I WANNA GET BETTER | bleachers

LET ME IN | grouplove

Some old, some new, some overplayed. But all ones that I love. There are quite a few other songs I've been loving recently, but I guess I'll save those for the next playlist. What have you been listening to recently? I'm always up for suggestions!

Want to listen to this playlist on Spotify? It can be found here.

on the glory of normalcy.

I don't think you can ever really understand the stress & busyness & pulled-in-multiple-directions-ness of returning to school as an adult until you are living it. [And I know it would be much more difficult if I were living in Shreveport, surrounded by family & friends & lovely, fun things to do]. It is challenging, but rewarding. It's a time in my life that is difficult now, but that I know I will look back on fondly, as a time when I was completely exerting myself mentally, physically, emotionally, & scholastically. It's a blessing. It really is.

And oh, how I will treasure those years of rise, coffee, work, sleep! Oh, how I will treasure the normalcy. Just like I treasured the normalcy of working Monday through Friday, 8:30 to 5:30 after working on the copy desk at the paper. A return to normalcy is glorious. But, alas, to return to normalcy, you must first be catapulted out of it. 

I'm probably not yet on the upswing - I'm more than likely still high in the arc after being shot out of the cannon. But I know that - eventually - I'll be sailing back toward stability. Toward routine. Toward normalcy. And when it arrives, it will be greeted with open arms.

LSC

photo: a beautiful residence in savannah, georgia | from our trip in july 2013

on being a student again.

In the morning, I wake up. It's always with a grudging demeanor that I roll out of bed early in the morning. Keep in mind that to me, any time before 9 a.m. is early. 

I trudge into the bathroom, because once I'm awake, I find it hard to carry on with my day until I've brushed my teeth. Brushing them when I first wake up will mean that I need to brush them again before I leave the house, but, like I said, it's worth it to me.

Then, I make my way into the kitchen. The coffee pot sits in the corner, on the counter, like a beacon of hope & caffeination. I smile at it - at least internally, for I don't think my facial muscles are capable of a smile before noon - & know that soon, I will feel good. 

I sit down at the computer, steaming cup in hand, & open the Internet browser. This is my favorite way to start the day. In the quiet of the early morning, before the puppy in the apartment above starts loping about, chasing its toys. 

The caffeine kicks in as I navigate my favorite blogs. I begin opening more browsers to accommodate my growing interests, plans, & research topics. And all too soon, my phone alarm signals the end of this free time, this luxury. 

And then, oftentimes, it's off to school. 

I can't adequately express my joy at being a student again. Nor can I express my gratitude that my husband is able to provide for our family, in order that I may take this route. Being a student again inspires me, reminds me that there is hope for me yet. It is that extra push I need in order to rise earlier, to get more done, to add more to my to-do list. It is the reason I keep reaching & hoping & dreaming. It is a God-send. Thank you.

the road home from school | instagram

what exactly it is that i do.

Today's Blog Every Day In May prompt reads as follows: If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, 'what do you do?' And because this post is going to be about me, I thought it was appropriate to lead with a large photo of my head. I'm not scared of a good selfie. Most of the time, anyways.

 

So, here's what I do, folks...

 

I worry. About everything. Seriously. If there is something to be worried about, I am going to worry about it.

I take unapologetic selfies. And somehow ironically apologize for them, by calling them unapologetic.

I tend to overthink everything I do on this blog. And that is something I am trying to power through to the other side. Because I think the blogs that are the best, are the ones that are the most natural. And overthinking doesn't necessarily produce natural things. Part of the reason I'm doing this challenge, is to conquer that part of my blogging experience.

I read. A lot, but not consistently. When my reading switch is on, my face is buried in a book almost 24/7. But when the switch is off? Well, I don't like it.

I write. Again, a lot, but not consistently. I have big plans for this part of my life.

I dream up new careers, then talk myself out of them. Well, I'm hoping this part of my life is in the past. But for the years since I've graduated college, I have obsessed over my career & what I should be doing with my life.

I let music take me to a different place. It is my comfort zone. And lately, I've been letting the Mates of State Pandora station whisk me away, especially on rainy afternoons in my parents' dining room.

I dye my hair. Don't believe me? See here. It's legitimately one of my favorite things to do.

I procrastinate. And I'm trying to fix this horrible, horrible trait. It is the source of so much of my stress. But, unfortunately, it is also the source of most of my best work. It's so hard for me to work on something ahead of time, that a long time ago, I just stopped doing it. Seven-page papers were written at seven in the morning the day they were due in the high school years. The only time this has really worked against me, was senior year of college, when I procrastinated writing a paper for both a Shakespeare class & - the hardest class I took in college - Advanced Composition. That night, I had my first full-fledged panic attack, & even after I made the executive decision to drop Shakespeare in the morning, I still couldn't slow my heart rate, much less sleep.

 

There are a lot of other things that I do, but I think I'll save them for a rainy day here on siddathornton. Truthfully, these are some of my favorite posts to read around the blogosphere, so I will gladly post more in the days to come.

 

What exactly is it that you do? Go share on Jenni's blog.

 

 



i can have both.

Reading today's lifestyle posts around the blogging community has inspired me to scrawl out one of my own. See here & here if you're wondering what I'm talking about.

The past couple of years/time since I've graduated college/time since 2007, when I was a student worker in the Labor Unit at LSUHSC-Shreveport have been a time of me choosing a career path, changing my mind, changing it again, re-changing it, going back to square one, & repeating this same circle over & over & over, for what feels like a million times. 

I think the main battle I've been waging with myself has been over whether I choose to go with my creative side, or the side of me that feels pulled toward the medical field.

Why was I telling myself I have to choose? Well, because I'm one of those people who have an all-or-nothing personality. This trait has manifested itself in my past eating habits, when I was either meticulously counting calories or binging like there was no tomorrow, as well as in my career, when I was practically wearing a stethoscope around my neck while taking prerequisites for Physician Assistant school or shirking all responsibilities while indulging in the artistic lifestyle of guzzling coffee & penning pages of prose. 

Then, slowly but surely, this past year, a break-through occurred.

I don't have to choose. I can have both. 

I'm not going to lie to you & say that I haven't gone back & forth EVEN MORE, after this breakthrough occurred around November. Because I have. Tears have been shed, ideas have been second-guessed. But for now, I believe I am on the right track. 

There is a long road ahead of me, but I'm going to indulge in the ride. I'm going to delight in the journey. Because really, that's always the best part. And while I'm indulging, I'm going to be sharing. Because sharing makes it real. And keeps me accountable. And reminds me that this is going to be fun.

photo: the beginning of my first novel \ instagram