a post.

I'm writing to you from the couch. It's a dark and rainy summer afternoon. 

There are only two things I like about summer: crepe myrtles and thunderstorms, and I was lucky enough to experience both today. 

A lot has been happening in my life recently, and I feel like I'm in a period of flux, of transition, and if you know me, you know I royally suck at transitions. I can prepare, I can meditate on it, I can make nearly-tangible plans. It doesn't matter. If things are changing around me, I feel like the mental depiction of a cat thrown into bath water. 

A member of my family passed away as spring was turning into summer this year. A combination of factors keep me from being present, something that makes things feel unfinished. 

Opportunities and ideas and creativity have been swirling around in our house this year. Unable to travel, we sit tethered to our home, and the ideas come, bringing with them excitement and hope and at times, overwhelm. My thoughts feel jumbled, and I am working daily to disentangle the good stuff from the chaos. 

But aside from that and other things, I know that... 

... both ice cream and cereal taste better from coffee mugs. 

... writing daily - even just a little bit, even a tiny scribble in the margins of a planner - is transformative. 

... working out daily - even if only for ten minutes - is also transformative in ways I wasn't previously aware of. Pilates is my favorite, followed by barre. What's yours? 

... there is value in being as direct as possible. I am a sugar-coater to my core, but I am working on saying things and expressing my opinions more plainly. I think sometimes I give off the impression that I have no opinion, but that couldn't be further from the truth. 

... it is important to get outside. Despite being, in Jack Dawson's words, "kind of an indoor girl," I can't quite describe the benefits I feel from walking outside for a little while. As a mother of two children, I recognize the benefit to them as well. 

... I will always come back here, to this place, to this holder of memories. And every time I return, the inspiration is there, waiting for me, like an old, time-worn friend. 

the sunday currently, volume 125.

reading a mish-mash of things right now. I don't usually like to read more than one book at a time, but I am in a reading rut... and I'm really just trying to get a little reading done here and there before I'm back in the swing of regularly reading. Selections currently include the following: Slightly South of Simple, by Kristy Woodson Harvey, Atomic Habits, by James Clear, Me, by Elton John, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, by J.K. Rowling, and A Simplified Life, by Emily Ley. I know. That is a ridiculous amount of books to claim to be reading. I don't like it any more than you do. Like I said, I'm ready for the reading bug to bite me again. 

writing futile to-do lists in my planner, in my head, and in my phone. Much like my current ridiculous reading list, my writing has been scattered, distracted, and frankly, ineffective. I need to get some organization and simplification going. I'm really just spinning my wheels at this point. 

listening to my February 2020 playlist on Spotify. The boys and I often listen to the same few songs around the house, and we have slowly built up a good collection. I added some other familiar favorites, mixed in with some new (to me) songs from familiar artists, and I like to think I have a nice little mix going. 

thinking that baby/child sleep in one of the most difficult parenting things for me. Planning to get my guys back on a better schedule in the coming week. Thank goodness for Taking Cara Babies - her advice has really helped me! 

smelling like Warm Vanilla Sugar lately, and I love it. After a holiday season filled with Twisted Peppermint, it's nice to return to something a little more subdued. 

wishing I didn't have to make such a conscious effort to drink water each day. If only coffee counted as water, I would be one well-hydrated person. 

hoping I can get myself together and have a pleasantly productive week ahead. I need a week of productivity for my personal well-being, as well as for crossing some long-awaited items off of my to-do list. Plus, my house needs some attention. I can do this. And I will feel so much better if I get my house (and life) in order. Dramatic, I know. 

wearing workout clothes. After I tap out this blog post, I'm going to do a HIIT workout. I've been doing workout videos on YouTube, which I love. Justin and I are also talking about joining the YMCA near our house again, which I am really excited about. They have Body Pump classes, as well as some other classes I haven't yet tried. The truth is, I really love going to the gym and look forward to getting back into it soon. 

loving my life, despite my productivity dry spell this week. I have a lot to be thankful for, and that it not lost on me. Being able to be home with my boys from day to day is a huge blessing and opportunity. I have greatly enjoyed this uninterrupted time with them since Grayson was born. 

wanting another cup of coffee. I won't tell you how many I've had already. It's really just been that kind of week, where I could never drink enough coffee. Unfortunately, my energy to coffee ratio seems to be deficient this week, for some reason, and that is a sad state of affairs indeed. 

needing... well, isn't it obvious? More coffee and more productivity. Can someone send either of these things my way? Thanks a lot. 'Preciate ya. 

feeling proud of myself for one thing I have been succeeding at - I have worked out every day of February so far. My main personal goal for February is to work out every day, even if it's just a little bit, and I already feel a lot better. I need to work on further cleaning up my diet (though I have been cooking a LOT more, which I am also proud of), but I feel like I'm off to a good start with getting more active. 

more about music.

Tonight, I am working on continuing education for my upcoming license renewals, and along with chugging away with that, I am listening to music on Spotify. This is something I have been doing in the late evenings recently, after putting my younger child to bed and getting ready for bed myself (while Luke watches Captain Marvel with Justin), and I have to say, I quite like this little routine. 

The truth is, I absolutely love music. I know in years past I have written about this on my blog, but  I'll say again that music transports me, transforms me. My favorite songs echo through time and remind me of former versions of myself, younger ones, inexperienced ones, carefree - yes - but with so much good, so much depth, to come (I now realize, obviously). 

Tonight's melodic transportation came by way of "Why Am I the One," by fun. Those first few notes played, and I was instantly transported back to Gulf Shores, in a condo on the beach. September 2012. My bachelorette party. We had all risen from bed, and the familiar scrape of pots and pans and utensils and the drip-drip-gurgle-drip of coffee were the soundtrack to the morning, until someone - I don't know who - turned on some music. 

I danced around to this song while eating a plate of scrambled eggs, surrounded by my best friends and my sister, and I will never forget it. 

And that's all there really is to the memory. And I am thankful for it. 

Thank you.