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waiting to have time.

I haven't been feeling like myself lately. 

Maybe it's the end of this semester that has taken so much of my mental & emotional energy, that I feel like I'm just treading water, waiting to have time to be myself again. Maybe I'm "saving myself up," so that when we go home for the holidays, I'll be able to be open & light & chipper & be able to share more of myself. Maybe I just don't have the energy right now.

But then again, maybe none of that is true. Maybe it's about being too hard on myself, of thinking I haven't been enough lately. Enough of myself. 

I think we all often go through these moments, these high & low tides, these ups & downs, these times of abundance & meagerness. But it never really dulls the ache of not feeling genuinely yourself, does it? I don't think it does.

I feel the most myself when I can see pieces of me in everything I do, everything I produce, everything I put out there into the world. And lately, I haven't felt that very often in anything I've been doing. 

Sitting here at the end of this post, this random pouring-out of words I've just sat at my computer & allowed to happen, I'm realizing that maybe I am just tired. Even as I open the gates & let the words flow, I realize that I've thought about school & all of the things that must be completed SOON about four hundred times. And then, there are the other things that are going on right now, that I haven't been able to share just yet. Yes, there are those things. 

By mid-December, we will be on a jet plane, headed toward our loved ones, headed toward our hometown, & all of the comfort & trappings of ease that comes along with that. And I think, then, that I will be able to truly relax. Until then, well... I'll just keep trucking, keep chugging along.

It will be worth it.


siddathornton said…
Absolutely! Everyone feels it.
I'm feeling it right now, too. Feeling completely overwhelmed with gift-buying, honestly. (Which is a shame. It should be fun!)
I'm looking forward to a mid-December trip Home as well :)
Chin up, buttercup! Good things are coming.

Manda from Eat Cake
siddathornton said…
:( I hope you start feeling more like yourself soon! But I know exactly what you are talking about. I was actually just thinking this morning when I woke up and I was running a million things I could do to fix it through my head.... but I knew that nothing would really work. Makes me sad :(

But once your semester calms down, you should start to feel better and be happy to be around family!!

Wishing you a happy holiday season! :)
siddathornton said…
Hold up :) when the semester's done You'll at least be able to breathe...
Although I think many of Us, Me on the top of the list, can relate to this, too
I remember this happening to Me many times over the years, specially when the stress of many things at once starts weighing Us down...
Good luck in all, friend. :) I promise it gets much better when this passes
siddathornton said…
That's the worst feeling. I definitely felt the least like myself when I was struggling to keep up with classes that were necessary but not interesting. It will be over soon enough... and then you'll be nostalgic for the days when you did nothing but study! Weird how life works.

I'll be in Shreveport for a few days mid-December... we should catch up and talk blogs at Starbucks or Rhino!
siddathornton said…
We definitely all go through these feelings every once in a while. I know that I do, and it's a hard time for me right now. Maybe it's the season? But know that life and the tough times go in phases, and when you finish it all up and see the results of what you've been working so hard for, I know that it'll be worth it. Good luck my dear! xoxo

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about me.

Hello! And welcome to siddathornton.
My name is Lauren. I am 29 years old. Here are a few random factoids about me & my life...
- I'm originally from Louisiana, but I live in North Carolina with my husband, Justin. We aren't from New Orleans. Every time we tell someone we're from Louisiana, this is immediately what they assume. We actually come from a town in northwest Louisiana - Shreveport - which may as well be Texas, it's so close to the state line.
- Due to my love of the written word, I majored in Journalism at Louisiana Tech University. Tech is located in the quaint town of Ruston, Louisiana, and I like to think that attending college in a small town shaped much of who I am today. And as much as I would have liked the overly-romaticized dream of becoming a professional writer to have come to fruition for me, I'm in the midst of a career change, via occupational therapy school.
- There are a few things for which I have an unhealthy obsession: reading, co…

the sunday currently, volume 124.

beautiful flowers all around vail
readingFierce, by Aly Raisman. A couple of weeks ago, I finally finished Big Little Lies, by Liane Moriarty, which I really enjoyed.
writing a lot in my bullet journal, including adding photos and keepsakes. It's been a while since I've done this kind of journaling, and it really is my favorite.
listening to the Office while typing out this blog post. Nothing makes me feel better like this show does.
thinking that I am really glad that Justin and I built in some trip recovery time on the back end of our trek to Colorado. It really does take some time to get re-acclimated to the time zone you've returned to. We've both been feeling so tired since we got back.
smelling coffee and donuts. The breakfast of champions.
wishing for some tortilla soup today. I had some at a place called Hacienda Colorado in Denver. It was so good, and I've been craving it ever since.
hoping for a productive and joyful week ahead.
wearing pajamas, just like I have …

the sunday currently.

When I started blogging on siddathornton back in July of 2011, the beginning of my currently posts wasn't far off. I've long enjoyed compiling lists of what's going on in the moment, but I never thought about making it a link-up or an always-on-Sundays thing until September 16, 2012. As you can read in that post, I was elated, due to the responses I was getting from other bloggers, letting me know that they, too were doing "currently" posts and had decided to dedicate the writing of them to Sundays each week. Thus, The Sunday Currently was born, and I have currently penned over 100 posts, some with over 50 people linking up and sharing what they're up to, too. If you feel so inclined, please join! Let's celebrate the little moments of our lives that we never want to forget.

See all past editions of The Sunday Currentlyhere.