Tuesday, June 11, 2013

recognizing nostalgia.



Yesterday, as I walked from class to my car, a strange kind of sadness gripped me in a way that hasn't happened in a long time. I wasn't sure what to make of it, & it made me feel pretty horrible, truth be told. As I trudged down the street, partly composed of cool concrete, partly composed of sun-warmed bricks, I kept my head down. The sadness was pulling me deeper & deeper, & I only wished for an explanation. 

I was thinking weird thoughts, abstract, yet vivid. I felt a sense of possession over the place we live, the time we spend, the activities that fill our days. Outsiders felt like threats - I didn't want them to tarnish our experience, to call our home anything other than that. 

As I approached the parking garage, I just wanted clarity: why was I feeling these feelings? At that moment, I glanced up at the sky, saw the frothy clouds moving this way & that, & realized it: life is a miracle. And the feeling I was feeling? Nostalgia. Nostalgia for a time that is still happening. 

And I know that in the distant future, when I think of our first married spring on the east coast of North Carolina - here in Wilmington, I'll think of this very time in my life. And I'll feel that familiar sting - the ache of nostalgia. And I'm sure that, at first, it won't feel pleasant. But, once I realize it for what it is - the bittersweet recollection of a vibrant memory - it'll be cherished.

wilmington magnolias | iphone

2 comments:

Tina Byland said...

These are the times when we really feel human, right? Those feelings where you transcend time and it feels sad and happy and weird and just a bit strange. Beautiful writing. :)

Sarah said...

I love these sorts of posts that you've been writing lately. They are written so beautifully, and they stir up so many emotions for me as I read along. Well done, lady. :)