the ugly truth about my career.

as i am highly dramatic & tend to ramble, this story shall be split into parts. sorry, i'm not sorry. 

i am not one of those people who knew what they wanted to do with their life by the time they hit fifth grade. 

but, i did know people like that - they went on to become doctors, teachers, architects, part of the military...
and i think some small part of me envied them then.

but i know a large part of me envies them now. 

as a freshman in college, i began working my way toward a career in graphic design. that is, until my drawing teacher told me i couldn't draw. in hindsight, i realize that teacher was just being honest with me - telling me what in truth i already knew: 

that i wasn't going to be making a living by drawing. 

but, in the moment, it felt both devastating & humiliating. 

[it's hard enough to enter a classroom full of your peers, 

put your work on display for all to see, then listen as they & the teacher critique it. it's even harder when the teacher has already announced to everyone 

that you lack the ability most in the class possess.]

i know it sounds like i'm carrying a large chip around on my shoulder, 

but i'm not - i've let this little incident go completely well, for the most part. 

so, after my first quarter of college, 

i marched into my art advisor's office 

with a change-of-major form. 

survival of the fittest, he probably thought to himself 

as he signed away any dreams i had of a career in design, 

with a swish of his expertly poised pen. 

and so, i found myself out on the open road, 

the alley-way of majors at my fingertips at only eighteen.

i played it relatively cool in my second quarter 

[well, as far as academics are concerned, that is... 

my personal life was in a shambles of the kind i'd more likely rather forget]: 

i took english classes, paired with the type of courses only freshmen & sophomores 

have the pleasure of luxuriously sailing through - general degree requirements. 

[you know, classes like university seminar].

in my third & final quarter of freshman year, 

i decided to amp it up, choosing biology as my major 

in an attempt to follow in my dad's footsteps & attend physical therapy school. 

i was rewarded with a big, fat, ugly C in that first biology class, 

as well as a drop from the corresponding lab. 

oh yes, my slacking, distractedness, & general life drama in those months really paid off.

note: that is not to say that this time in my life wasn't one i look most fondly on. 

i met one of my best friends & bridesmaids, as well as my fiance, during this time. 

by the end of freshman year, though, i never wanted to see 

another charcoal pencil or classroom equipped with sinks ever again.

and i told myself i wouldn't... 

to be continued...

photo: iphone