on taking my time.
ya know, dogs really have the life.
they sleep all day, have their meals prepared for them, get taken outside to run around & explore, & they get to spend time with their loved ones without worry of appointments to catch, dinners to attend, or projects to work on.
they get to really experience the little moments of life, because really, that's what their lives are composed of - the little moments.
sometimes i really wish for this lifestyle. not because i don't enjoy all the events & get-togethers in my life, but because i feel like my life is plunging ahead & i can't even be bothered to be a spectator of its events. because i don't have time.
whole days go by, & at the end of them, i have to sit there & think, 'wait... what happened today?' and you know what? i just don't think that's the way life is supposed to be lived. in my opinion - that is one of the worst ways to go about living your life - without purpose, without being deliberate, without being present.
one of my new years resolutions is to be more present. and while i have put up quite the effort on that front, i know that i haven't totally succeeded. i'm still physically at the dinner table, while my mind is in the far-off land of 'what do i need to buy at the grocery store again? and when am i actually going to get to the grocery store? why am i so busy? why can't i get anything done that needs to get done? i feel crazy.'
yes, my mind is in that place.
and that's not where i want it to be.
this is old news, but i put too much pressure on myself. i have to do lists that are miles long. i make workout schedules, then break them, again & again. i start diets & then stop them, again & again.
so, what's the solution? well, i think it lies in taking my time. slowing down. examining my life. i know this won't be a quick journey - it's a long one. one of trial & error. failure. but also eventual success.
until then, i'll just dream of the days i'll get to lay in the sun & not worry about anything.
just like abilene.