Tuesday, June 17, 2014

a snippet about self-discovery.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

I was grumbly, I was irritable, I was looking on the not-so-bright side of pretty much everything. And I didn't necessarily take it out on my husband, but I made him a spectator of my negativity. 

Then, I had coffee. 

Woosh. It's like a magical drug to me. It takes me from the darkness into the light. It makes me see the positive side of things, the way out of sticky situations. It gives me hope & vitality & promise.

But, you know, maybe it wasn't the coffee. Maybe it was the fact that I was at my park, exercising. Because we all know the exercise --> endorphins thing. I almost always feel quite amazing after a workout, & especially after my 5-milers in my favorite park.

But, you know, maybe it wasn't the exercise. 

Maybe it was actually getting up off the couch, getting my day started, putting together a mental cache of things that need to - & will be - done. I've said it so many times, to myself, & sometimes aloud to others: There is joy in routine & familiarity

But what happens when you rob yourself of that routine? What happens when familiarity is nowhere to be found? What happens when you allow yourself to be lazy, for longer than just a simple day of rest?

Well, for me, it spells out the recipe for a bad attitude, a sorry outlook on life & the perfect day that lies before me, it puts me on the wrong side of the bed when I wake up. 

I've learned so much about myself in the past couple of years. I thrive in an atmosphere based on routine & familiarity. I take joy in a small cup of morning coffee. I have to re-charge & be by myself for a couple of hours every day. Waking up early is sometimes difficult for me, but the gains achieved by doing so far outnumber the 15-minute period of discomfort as I try to keep my eyes open. I'm a night-time showerer. I love to read, because it allows me to escape into a different world for a little while, relieving stress. I am someone who needs to work out, almost daily. 

Self-discovery is one of the things that most excites me about this wonderful life in which we are honored to participate. I love learning about what works for me, what doesn't, & what can maximize what I both get out of - & put into - each day here on Earth. And the amazing thing is, we will never learn it all. We will keep learning new lessons, day after day, for the rest of our lives.

To me, that is a very comforting thought.

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7 comments:

siddathornton said...

I love this. :) We sound like very very similar people.

siddathornton said...

I like routine, too. Like you said, there's something comforting in it. And yes to needing to be alone for a few hours to recharge! If I go for a long period without that time I notice that I get irritated more quickly.

siddathornton said...

I like routine and I hate being jogged out of it. My mother {the psychologist - so I've kinda had a built in shrink all my life} says it's because of this thing we do called "scripting" - we script out how we think our days are going to go and when it doesn't go that way, we get torqued off. The hard part is not setting everything in stone, and learning to be flexible with changes.


I'm still waiting to learn how to do that part, but at least I know that I'm mad because I've deviated from my "scripting," not because of anything else :p

siddathornton said...

:)

siddathornton said...

I get irritated & feel like I'm "out of battery," when I don't get enough time alone to recharge. It's taken me a long time to figure that out about myself. And routine is so comforting, but I've got to learn to roll with the punches a little bit better, because routines have a way of getting disrupted.

siddathornton said...

I've definitely got to learn how to be more flexible. I get angry also when I'm forced to deviate from my "scripting." I think psychology is fascinating. I took developmental & abnormal last summer when I was taking my prerequisites, & I loved learning about people, & why we do what we do. How enlightening to have had your mom there to explain things for you - that seems quite valuable!

siddathornton said...

She was a little frustrating during my teenage years {it's hard enough dealing with hormones without having your mother explaining clinically exactly what's going on in your head}, but she's been a lifesaver. I'll call her up when something bothers me just to talk it out. It really is valuable to have a built in therapist :D