Today marks day twenty-five of the Blog Every Day In May challenge, which means that I should have twenty-five quality posts under my belt for this month, but as I missed a day, that's not entirely true. I've loved taking part in this challenge, because it has, well, challenged me, pushed me outside of my blogging comfort zone, & has served as a much-needed reset button for this little space. And it's not even over yet - we have one day short of an entire week left.
The prompt today is something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget (good or bad).
Let's take a trip back in time, to the year 2003. High school. The so-called glory days. I had just found my way out of a particularly bad, particularly lengthy relationship, & while I was feeling on the mend, I was also feeling vulnerable & self-conscious. I was finding my way again, navigating social life in a new light, ready for change. And then I saw it.
Lauren Sowell is boring.
It was written on the blog of a girl in my grade. For some reason, that year, she had taken to writing mean things about the people at our school in her little space of the Internet. And since this was before the big blogging boom, not many people saw it, so no one reported her, or whatever it is kids do these days when they stumble across cyber-bullying. Come to think of it, these days, they probably handle it exactly the way I did: by simply being hurt & telling no one aside from my friends.
I'm not going to lie to you: the girl's words really hurt me. They forced me to look at myself in a harsh light. In a light that told me, maybe you're not as good as you think you are. Maybe you don't deserve better than the relationship you just got out of.
I was lucky, though. I had friends who were willing to rekindle the bonds that my prior relationship had threatened to forever squelch. I had family who reassured me of my worth again & again, in their voicing of my decision being the right one. And despite the mental & emotional blow those words caused me, I was able to fight against them in the best way: by living well, by thriving.
Years later, I know for a fact that I am not boring. I am a person who is quite shy upon a first encounter, yes. But after that first encounter, when you start to really get to know me, you'll find that I'm one of the goofiest people on the planet. I know how to laugh at myself, how to not take myself too seriously. And years later, I know that hateful words come from a place of insecurity. That that girl was expressing how she really felt about herself, through the bashing of others she hadn't bothered to really get to know. People who could have been her friends, if she had only opened up & let them in. Given them a chance. And for that reason, I can fully forgive her. Understand a little where she was coming from, & let it go.
These days, I let those words do something positive in my life: push me to be more active, to pursue more hobbies, to get everything I can out of life. Something that started out as petty high school gossip has transformed me for the better. I never say I'm bored, because bored is boring.
And I'm not.